15 Strategies on How to Introduce Sex Toys in Relationships
One of our followers here at Jaynkay.com asked us some advice on how to broach the topic of sex toys in relationships. He was interested, or at least curious, but was not sure if he could bring it up with his significant other. So we decided to take a closer look at this tricky subject. Many women and men use sex toys and research suggests that those who use them actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. And though women are more willing to admit to owning a sex toy, men’s attitudes are rapidly changing towards the positive. Nearly, 70 percent of men (both straight and gay) admit that they don’t find sex toys intimidating, according to We-vibes.com.
The prospect of introducing sex play in your relationship can be a bit difficult for some people. But it’s really not that difficult when you get down to it. The most important thing we want you to remember is that sex toys is not a replacement for your partner but an enhancement to your sex.
Here are 15 strategies Jay and I have put together to help you if you are considering the subject of sex toys in relationships.
1. Dive in Head First
(We promise that no pun was intended with this heading.) Have you ever been to a lake or by the ocean and you know the water is cold? What do most people do? They delay, delay, delay and come up with all sorts of excuses why they shouldn’t get in the water. But most people who have actually been to a cold lake will tell you that the best strategy is to just dive in and get over the initial shock. Well, the same strategy holds true for dealing with the topic of sex toys in a relationship. Just bring it out and get things started. You might be pleasantly surprised at how receptive your partner is. The key is to be open and honest. Don’t miss out on a great opportunity because you ‘feel’ your partner ‘might’ not like the idea of sex toys. As the popular sports brand, Nike says, “Just Do It!”
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2. Choose the Right Time
Being brave and diving in head first is one thing, but being daft is quite another. We are not telling you to bring up the subject of sex toys on your first blind date. For goodness sake. No! Find the right time to bring it up. Maybe you guys have been together for a while and are trying out new things, such as, new positions or different places. You’re comfortable with the whole topic of sex together so maybe then is the right time to bring up sex toys.
But timing isn’t only about the stage of your relationship and the level of communication and comfortableness you have with each other. Timing also means ‘in the moment’ timing. For example, you won’t bring up sex toys on your way home from Church on a Sunday morning. Nor will you bring it up while having Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws. Sex play is a subject that should take place just between you and your lover, preferably in the privacy of your home or bedroom.
3. Drop a Hint or Two
If you think going in head first is not the right move for you, then you may want to consider the opposite strategy, which can also work for some people. Ease the topic of sex toys into a casual conversation when talking about your relationship. You could start off with something like, “I stumbled on this online article the other day that says that more and more couples are using toys and accessories like handcuffs and couples games in their love making. What do you think about that?” Notice what we did there? First of all, blame it on a third party – an article you just happen to ‘stumble upon’. Secondly, show that everyone is doing it? Thirdly, use small and simple examples that are not too taboo – handcuffs and games, rather than dildos, butt plugs, vibrators and Fleshlights (i.e. mainstream sex toys). These can be taboo for many people. Once the conversation gets going and the ice is broken, you can ease your way towards your intended objective. If you have a particular toy or accessory in mind, mention it in passing while you’re already on the subject matter. Just leave it hanging there and see if your partner takes the bait. Let the conversation flow naturally. Be easy about it.
4. Start Out Small
Just as in our previous strategy, you don’t want to start off with mainstream products. In this case, size does matter. Don’t go for the 15 inch dildo on the first purchase. Try a bullet instead. Maybe introduce a cockring or a blindfold; something small and less intimidating. Then you can work your way up to bigger and better toys.
5. Whip it Out During Whoopee
Head on over to your favorite online adult store, like Lovehoney or Adult Shopping, and get the toy you’re looking for. Keep it hidden away and then bring it out just as you’re in the middle of a really steamy session. But the trick is to make your lover the beneficiary of the sex toy. Don’t get one for yourself. Get one for them. Let your lover see how great it is and let them wonder why you hadn’t bought one for them sooner. Let your partner be the center of attention. But do it in the middle of whoopee for optimal results. No one thinks straight during whoopee. 🙂
6. Give it as a Gift and See What Happens
This was the strategy I used when I introduced sex toys in our relationship. I was away on a business trip and brought home a ‘did you miss me’ toy for Jay. I really, didn’t know what to expect. But was pleasantly surprised that he was open to the idea. So for Christmas or Valentines or maybe your partner’s birthday or your anniversary get your lover a sex toy as a gift. I bet you that 9 out of 10, they love it and would love you for getting it for them. If things don;t go as planned, they’d at the very least be very polite about it and might still try it out for curiosity sake. So it won’t be a total loss.
7. Reassurance is Key
When you speak to people who are against sex toys, you realize that deep down they’re not against sex toys but are really intimidated by them. Some people have the notion that a sex toy is their replacement. They feel that if they were doing it right, their partner should not want or need a sex toy in the first place. So they get intimidated and self conscious around the subject of adult toys. Your job is to reassure your partner. Focus on the positive aspects of your already fantastic sex life. Let them know that you absolutely love being with them and that they rock your world. Talk about all the positive aspects of your relationship and love making. Make them feel on top of the world. Show them that the sex toy is not a replacement but an enhancement. Sex toys are just damn fun and you want to have fun with the person you love the most.
8. Get Something You Both Can Use
Love making is a two way street. When it becomes lop sided, the all the fun and playfulness is taken away. When two persons come together for this joyous act, it should be beneficial to both partners. The same goes for sex toys. For optimal results, both partners should be able to benefit from the toy. One partner should never be the sole beneficiary. There are lots of sex toys out their with couples in mind. Recently we discovered Double Up Dennis, which is a really cool sex toy for gay couples. And there are hosts of toys for straight couples. Lovense has some really cool teledildonics that work for both straight and gay couples. The key is to focus on mutual benefits.
9. Give Them Control
For some people, the fear of sex toys is based on the fear of losing control of making your partner feel satisfied. Rather than use the toy on yourself, why not let them use it on you. Give them control. Let them dictate how you feel. There are also remote control toys, where one partner determines how the toy interacts with the other. This brings an element of control and fun as well. One such toy is the We-Vibe 4 Plus. The Lovense teledildonics also give control over to your partner.
10. Let Your Partner Be the Sex Toy
Did you know that there are sex toys that can transform your partner in the bedroom? The idea is that the toy becomes an extension of your partner. In this way they don’t feel as if the toy is replacing them but that without them the toy is useless. Take the Adonis Extension for example. This toy can be added to your member for a longer and thicker feel for your partner. Both of you will love it and the toy can’t be used for solo play or as a replacement, it must be used on the man’s member.
11. Shop Together for Your Next Toy
Make an event out of buying your next sex toy. Go out and just pop in your nearest sex shop. The mystery and adventure will be fun. But if you’re intimidated by getting caught by your next door neighbor, or worse yet your granny, then shop online. But do it together. It might be fun and you get to explore your likes and dislikes and there’s no commitment involved until you actually make a purchase. Three trusted online sex shops that might interest you are listed below.
12. Get the Facts Straight
Nothing beats hard, cold facts. Do some research on the subject and share it with your partner. With concrete data on how sex toys can help your relationship or that more and more people are using sex toys in relationships, you will be able to present your case to your significant other. Don’t just talk based on hear-say or your gut feeling. Present a point-by-point case in a very logical manner. Who could deny the facts, right?
13. Let Them Do It Alone
It might be surprising, but some people are shy with these sort of things. So the best strategy to overcome shyness is to let then get used to their new toy by themselves. Let them warm up to the idea of having a toy and to using the toy. Once they feel more comfortable with the toy, they will be more comfortable giving you a show or letting you play with them.
14. Use Toys that Increase Intimacy
For some, sex toys can be intimidating and even taboo. But sometimes it boils down to how you sell it. If you speak of toys to use during sex, your partner might get closed up about the whole thing. But if you said you discovered some techniques and tools that can help build our intimacy and bring us closer together, then they might get more responsive. Who doesn’t want to get closer to their partner? Who doesn’t want to build intimacy in their relationship. So sell it as an intimacy tool not a sex toy. Is it cheating or being dishonest? No, not at all. But you have to choose your toy wisely. If intimacy and bonding is what you;re selling then you better deliver on the promise. What you use could make a difference sex games like thine one, You & Me, might be a good start. Massagers are also a subtle way to introduce sex toys as intimacy aids. Take the Bodywand Massager, for example. This can be used as a sexual stimulator but can also double up as a body massager (as the name suggests). Add the sleeve and it turns into a male masturbator. So it’s not so much what you ‘sell’ but how you ‘sell’ it.
15. Don’t Push Too Hard
If you’ve tried a few strategies and none of them seem to work, we recommend that you leave it alone for a while. Don’t push the subject too much. No one like to be told what to do. And most of all, no one like to be nagged. Get the facts, bring up the subject at the right time but don’t press the matter too much, especially if you realize that your partner is not too open about the idea at first. Give them some time to think it over. Who knows, they may even bring it up again on their own. And after all, all is well that ends well.
That’s it folks. If you have any questions or need further information, leave us a comment below and we’d surely get back to you within 24 hours or sooner. If you’d like to connect with us anonymously, head on down to our Ask Jay n Kay page and leave us a private message. If you haven’t taken the poll, you can do so above, we like to measure stuff and see who our visitors are. It’s completely anonymous.